The Propositions a Girl Can Get...


... will astound you, or then again, maybe they won't...

I was visiting my mom in the country the weekend of the 6th World Series game. The antenna to the TV wasn't hooked up at the time, so I decided to go to a nearby bar to watch the game.

When I sat down, the guy next to me said hello and started talking to me. I wasn't "interested" in him, but since I wasn't with anyone else, I continued our chitchat, provided within doing so I could still pay attention to the game. I made it clear to him that's why I was there in the first place.

After some time, I began to sense this guy was kind of liking me. My brother taught me not to be mean to guys when I'm not interested: "Everyone has feelings and rejection is unpleasant." So instead of saying, "Listen, buddy -- nothing's going to happen between us, so buzz off!" I was polite, and continued to chat, between innings, trying not to lead him on. 

By about the fifth inning, he was definitely liking me, despite my nonchalantness. How do I know this? Because he said to me, "I think you're an attractive... [glanced at my chest]... um, extremely attractive woman, and I'd like to get to know you better." He continued, "I really go for blondes with blue eyes."

"My eyes are green, and I'm not a natural blonde." To this he said, "Oh, yeah? Prove it!" as he motioned toward my crotch. Did I get offended? Nah, but now it was time to drop some non-subtle hints:

"I can't go out with you because I only go out with vegetarians. Sorry!" (I knew he wasn't one.)

He thought about my statement for a moment, and then replied, "I really like you -- I'll be a vegetarian for you."

Okay, that didn't fly, so let's try this: "You might think you like me because you're attracted to me, but we really don't have anything in common." He asked what my interests were, and I replied, "Photography, collecting antiques, tailoring clothes, and writing stories for my website about jerks like you." (Only kidding about that last thing.)

"So, what are your interests?" I asked half-heartedly, to illustrate my point.

Enthused, he replied, "I like karate, working out, and hunting." A hunter and a vegetarian -- nice mix!

Instead of being repulsed by the hunting aspect, my morbid curiosity kicked in, and I questioned, "Hunting? What do you hunt -- deer?"


"How do you hunt a deer?"

"Well, first I stalk it, and then I shoot it."

"Don't you feel bad when you shoot and kill it?"

"No, it's just an animal." Real sensitive guy here.

"Uh, huh. Then what?"

"I field dress it."

"What's 'field dress'?"

"That's when you slit its stomach from between its legs up to its ribs, remove the insides, pull the intestine out through the asshole, and drain the blood. I keep the heart, and put it in a bag." That's a truly attractive picture you've just painted, thank you ever so much.

"Don't you get blood all over your hands?"

"I wear gloves."

"Where do you put the insides?"

"I leave them in the woods for other animals to eat."

"What do yo