Temping Escapade #3

Round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows....

Hello from a pharmaceutical company, the latest stop on my glorious Road of Tempdom. When my agency told me I'd be working in the company's "Animal Health" department, I thought, "Oh, that's nice... 'Animal Health' sound like a good cause, just like PETA." Boy was I in for a rude awakening.

It didn't take me long to discover what really goes on in this department: True, the company produces drugs and vaccines for livestock, but their intent is not to save animals' lives because their owners love them. They make the drugs so the animals will live a bit longer, and will hopefully avoid sickness until they're sufficiently fattened up, and Mr. Farm Owner says it's time for slaughter.

Things were slow the first couple of days, so I decided to take a stroll to the company's in-house library. I found some interesting magazines not typically sold at your corner newsstand. Even though I don't know where your particular corner is, I'm still pretty certain you won't find these magazines! To name an illustrious few: I picked up issues of Poultry Digest, Pig International, Turkey World and National Hog Farmer. Lemme tell ya, there ain't no beauty and glamour in this industry -- looking through these magazines was QUITE the change from girly Cosmo and Allure!

Once I discovered the library's extensive collection of industry trade mags, looking through them while sipping coffee became my new, bizarre morning routine. The pictures, articles and advertisements held me in a state of fascinated disgust.

Forever thinking of my web tales and those who might read them, I compiled some assorted quotes, so you too, can get a glimpse into the delightful world of livestock farming:

From Poultry Digest:

"Increase your bird's performance with just the push of a button -- install Chore-Time's Button Nipple Drinker. It provides more water for your birds, and less problems for you." (Nipple Drinker? I guess sex sells, even for chickens!)

"Feather Pecking in Aviary House: Increased feather pecking has occurred. The bare patches of skin increase feed costs as the birds eat more to keep warm in colder weather." (Real concerned folks wrote that one, I'm sure.)

"Swollen Head Syndrome has multiple causes..." (Please don't ask me to recite the causes, thank you kindly.)

From Pig International:

"Flubenol is a tried and tested in-feed wormer. It kills all stages of pig worms, leaving your herd healthier, happier and more productive. Remember, better worming means better pigs. And better pigs mean better profits." (Do I have to remember? Cause I'd rather forget.)

"Wherever you look, the use of artificial insemination is increasing rapidly. Many herds collect and inseminate the semen from their own boars. Most adapt quite readily to mounting a dummy sow and giving an ejaculate. One artificial insemination specialist reckons that 97 out of 100 physically-sound young boars prove to work quite happily. The dummy sow needs to be solid and comfortable -- it also helps if it is smelly. The floor must be non-slip." (This one's the award winner.)

And get a load of this help-wanted ad from National Hog Farmer:

"Swine Management Services is seeking quality individuals to become Swine Managers. This position requires a strong swine production background with a minimum of 3-5 years management experience. If you're self-motivated and looking for a challenging position, then we may have a career path opportunity for you." (So many choices in life, so many career paths to pursue -- it's hard to choose just one. But this one does sound tempting....)


One day, an e-mail notification window popped up on my screen, entitled "Chicken Photos." The day before I got this e-mail, I had removed some rather peculiar pictures from the chicken and hog magazines (for a photo collage on the subject). When I saw the title of the e-mail, I immediately became nervous, and worried that someone discovered I was the one who removed the pages from the magazines.

Luckily I wasn't found out -- it was just someone needing pictures of chickens for a work-related matter. I told my friend about the "Chicken Photos" e-mail, commenting, "Who in the world gets an e-mail entitled 'Chicken Photos'?" She replied, "You, and Frank Perdue!"

As you can see, it's been some fun-filled days on the job. And for some fun of your own, please take a visit to the photo collage I've complied from the livestock industry magazines I've described above.

Well, it's been a thrill. So until we meet again next time, on the next temp job, I bid you farewell.